Pensive: A solution
Note:- This is the third post in a series. Here’s the link to the first two, if you haven’t read these before.
Okay. So let’s resume!
Pensive: A solution
Her forehead furrowed on hearing his words, for apparently, she had come to a different conclusion.
“You know, there might actually be a solution to your ‘forgetting’. Something which you could actually do.” she said, while closely looking at him, scrutinizing any possible change in his expression.
“Like what?” he asked, not particularly hopeful.
“Distract yourself. You may not actually have a Pensieve, but surely there are other memories in your mind. It’s an ocean after all, isn’t it? It’s endless. Why focus on just one shore when there’s so much to explore?” she said.
On hearing her use his analogy as a counter-argument, he was somewhat amused at first. But then his expressions changed.
“How do you think I have gotten along for so long?” he asked, looking at her challengingly.
“That’s all that I have done! And yet, at the end of the day, I couldn’t help but feel as though distractions are like…. Painkillers. Something that will numb me for only a while. But then it will return. Like you said, it’s an ocean. It’s a single entity after all, so unlike the multiple bodies we humans have divided it into. One day or the other, the waves will thrash back to where they have been before.” he justified, looking downcast.
The stubborn look on her face told him that she was not done yet. Determined to help him out, she said,
“I’ve been thinking about something…. Didn’t you just say that you wanted a lake? An isolated collection somewhere far off yet accessible?”
“Yeah….” he said, wondering as to where she was going with this.
“You know, that can still happen.” she simply said.
“How?” he asked, perplexed. For that had been something he had fruitlessly searched for a long time.
“In the form of a cloud.” she explained.
Now, it was his turn to be thoroughly confused.
“I’m sorry?” he said, looking at her with a cocked eyebrow.
“A cloud is something which can carry water from one place to the another. In this case, it will be your memories, which will be carried somewhere far away…” she explained, with a triumphant smile on her face.
It was obvious from his expression that he was impressed with her metaphorical reference.
“Interesting idea…… But how do I actually do that?” he asked.
For a moment he believed that he had her stumped. To his surprise though, she did have an answer after all.
“By surrendering yourself to the sun.” she simply stated.
On hearing this, his confusion paved way to amusement.
“Now you are the one who’s being vague.” he said, the ends of his lips quivering.
She turned to give him a ‘Don’t be so mean’ look, her eyes narrowing upon being mocked.
“The sun is something that brings warmth in your life. Then be it people or an activity. Don’t shy away from it. Get closer instead.” she said, her gaze moving towards the sun. Or what was left of it.
“Hmm.” he said, realising that she was probably right.
“And I know you said that distractions are like painkillers. But they are also like the rivers flowing in, doing their best to sweeten the ocean. They are what will bring fresh water in your life, a new outlook, a new reason to live for.” she continued, her gaze now meeting his.
“That’s true.” he said.
“But forming a cloud…. That takes a hell lot of time… Doesn’t it?” he asked.
“That it does. Yes. But as they say, ‘time heals everything…” she replied, nodding slowly. Then, looking at his pained expression, she chuckled and said,
“After all, you’ve got a whole lake to dump! Can’t complain, can ya?”
That did bring a smile on his face, but it was only a momentary flicker, and soon later the pensive look returned.
“True that…” he said, his eyes focused on the darkening horizon.
For a while, they both had fallen silent, choosing to absorb their surroundings. Then as a thought struck her, she said.
“Hang on. You just said that despite the waxing and waning on the shores, the waves are actually slow and dull inside. And that’s what represents the core of our minds. Though it seems to change a lot from the outside, it doesn’t really change that much.”
“Yes..” he said, impressed by her accurate recollection.
“Well, you’ve interpreted it as the human mind being reluctant to change. But it can very well be interpreted in an opposite sense.” she said
“Meaning?” he asked,
“If the external influences seldom affect the mind then what does that obviously imply?” she asked, with an optimistic smile brightening her face.
Without waiting for his reply, she answered,
“It implies, that almost always, our minds are the ones that affect themselves.”
Dumbstruck, he could only look at her, his expressions being at a amusing midpoint of confusion and admiration.
“Since when did you become so smart?” he finally asked, his eyes genuinely curious.
“I thought that was obvious!” she said, looking at him with mischief.
“What do you mean?” he asked, nonplussed.
“It’s because…. I’m you.” she simply said, the smile on her face broadening.
“You are what?!”
‘They say it’s what you make,
I say it’s up to fate,
It’s woven in my soul, I need to let you go.
Your eyes they shine so bright, I wanna save that light.’
I can’t escape this now, unless you show me how.’
The music blared in his ears, feeling like a tub of ice-cold water as he was suddenly struck by an epiphany.
All this time, he had been searching for an answer. An escape. And today, it finally appeared as though he had got a step closer.
He got it now. Or atleast he thought he did.
‘When you feel my heat, look in to my eyes.
It’s where my demons hide, it’s where my demons hide.
Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside.
It’s where my demons hide, it’s where my demons hide.’
It had been him all along.
It had been him who had started all this.
It had been him who had taken things way out of hand and blown them out of proportion.
It had been him who thought about it day in and day out.
And hence, it was up to him to end it all.
It was 6:14 PM on a 21st. And there he was, where he always had been, standing outside those glass doors. Only today, for the first time, he was hesitant to enter inside. To surrender to the demons.
From inside, the doors opened to reveal a face he wouldn’t soon forget. For it belonged to a person who now knew him a little better than the others.
An empathic smile escaped the manager’s lips as they exchanged a glance, an unspoken question hazing his vision.
It was almost a whisper, but he hoped that it would be enough.
Note:- Music has always had a strong influence on me, either setting my mood or vice-versa. And the song whose lyrics I have written over here (Demons – Imagine Dragons) is a song that I’ve listened on a loop for hours on end.
(Alright. Not hours. But atleast ‘one’ hour. That counts, you know…)
On that note, I would also like to share a link to my YouTube channel named:-
Here I play several compositions on my keyboard that have strung a literal chord with my heart. It also includes a couple of my own compositions. Hope you like them! 🙂
Here’s a direct link to a flute version of the very song written in this blog:-
Until next time folks! 🙂
Oh and I would greatly appreciate it if you left some feedback on my post and channel alike. Thank you!